List of old people jokes and humor, culled from TV shows, films, stand-up comedy and pop culture. These one-liners and humorous anecdotes look at Senior Citizen Jokes from a variety of perspectives, and try to find humor in wry observations, through irony and sarcasm, and even just by being silly. Human beings love to laugh, and being able to notice life's little absurdities can make even bad days seem a bit cheerier. Some of these jokes about the elderly are designed with that in mind, from amusing little witticisms to obscure references to puns. Others take a more satirical approach to the subject of Senior Citizen Jokes, mining hypocrisy and criticism for laughs.
The jokes on this page take many forms and are written in different formats. Some have a very traditional set-up/punchline style, with the set-up in bold and the punchline written smaller in the space below. Others are more like mini-stories or scenarios, in which case they've simply been broken up in a way that's convenient and easy to read. Go through them all and vote for your favorites!Senior Citizen Jokes,
The nice thing about being senile
You are always meeting new friends!
Do you know the four signs of growing old?
First, forgetting names. Second, forgetting faces. Third, forgetting to zip up and fourth, forgetting to zip down.
Monologues
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home, reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers, and demonstrated with her hands the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, then demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece. Then the third old lady chipped in with: "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."
George Carlin sez...
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me . . . they're cramming for their final exam."
Hearing Aid
There were two old fellows who were chatting. Suddenly one of them asked, "What in the world is that sticking out of your right ear?" The other, with a puzzled look, said,"I dunno", and reached up pulling out the object,then exclaimed, "My word, a suppository!" Then he slapped his forehead and excitedly declared, "Now I know what I did with my hearing aid."
Hard of Hearing
Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart mummer and be careful."
He died of what?
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Like an old couple
Old couple watching chickens in yard. Rooster goes from hen to hen taking care of each one in turn. Lady says "Pa, why can't you do like that rooster?" He answers: might could Ma, if I had a different chick each time.
Old Magicians
Never die, they just disappear.
One Night
Two old ladies were rocking in their chairs on the nursing home porch. One says "Martha, do you remember the minuet?" Martha answers "Heck, I don't even remember the ones I slept with."