Louis CK quotes range from the simple observations about life to the timeless jokes that have made him one of the top comedians in the world right now. Whether the quotes come from his stand-up act, his televised comedy specials or his hit television show, "Louie," the best Louis CK quotes give us something to thing about and most importantly, make us laugh. Born Louis Szekely in Washington, DC, Louis CK started his comedy career by doing stand-up in Boston, Massachusetts, in the 1980s. He went on to write jokes for and make appearances on shows like "The Late Show with David Letterman" and "Late Night with Conan O'Brien," among others. This work came together to make Louis CK a household name and put him among the funniest comedians in entertainment. While Louis CK found success, like the others he followed in the comedy world such as George Carlin, he didn't necessarily do it with clean humor. As evident in the best Louis CK quotes, often times he provides commentary on issues like racism, religion, sex, gender, marriage equality and first world problems. Whether he's performing stand-up at a comedy club, appearing on his television series or simply doing an interview, Louis CK has found the key to becoming successful in the comedy world. It's not always politically correct, but it makes fans around the world laugh and that's a mission accomplished.
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Louis CK on Internet Piracy
Nice to be here. I had a good day today I went to a movie. Before the movie now they show you that presentation where they explain that you shouldn't download movies on the Internet because you're hurting all the people that work on them. They need to feed their families so you shouldn't download the movies. And I saw this and I thought, "Wow, I had no idea. I didn't know you could download movies on the Internet... I don't care about those people."
Louis CK on Men vs Women
A man will cut your arm off and throw it in a river, but he'll leave you as a human being intact. He won't f**k with who you are. Women are non-violent but they will s**t inside of your heart.
Louis CK on Hunting
I don't have a gun, but if I did, I would shoot a baby deer in the mouth and feel nothing.
Louis CK on Boredom
"I'm bored" is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of. And even the inside of your own mind is endless. It goes on forever inwardly. Do you understand? Being the fact that you're alive is amazing, you don't get to be bored.
Louis CK on His Stand-Up Act
I find that when people laugh really hard, it's usually because they're connecting and identifying in a way that they hadn't considered. That's my payoff. I'm not interested in other people thinking differently. I don't care. I'm not even educated; it's something that I'm not qualified to do. I'm just like yeast-- I eat sugar and I s**t alcohol. And there's a huge culture that goes with that. Alcohol creates massive shifts in world history, and it changes people's lives. People get pregnant because of alcohol. But the yeast doesn't give a f**k. The yeast isn't going, "I really want to help people loosen up and bring passion into Irish people's lives."
Louis CK on Minorities
I read something in the paper that really confused me the other day. It said that 80 percent of the people in New York are minorities... Shouldn't you not call them minorities when they get to be 80 percent of the population? That's a very white attitude, don't you think? I mean, you could take a white guy to Africa and he'd be like "Look at all the minorities around here! I'm the only majority."
Louis CK on Child Abuse
I really think it's crazy that we hit our kids. It really is. Here's the crazy part about it. inds are the only people in the world that you're allowed to hit. Do you realize that? They're the most vulnerable and they're the most destroyed by being hit, but it's totally OK to hit them. And they're the only ones! If you hit a dog, they f**king will put you in jail for that s**t.
Louis CK on Parenting
It's like Platoon. You've got all this f**king stuff; you have an impossible amount of s**t to carry, and usually, a kid sometimes too. And I see parents all over the place with skinny little ankles and, you know, with no particular features and they just, life's worn them down to a basic like human shape, you know. Their personality and whatever they, the lines in their face and the chiseling is gone. They're just this thing and it's like ant strength, and you just have to, you just have to do it to get through whatever f**king, you know, we've got to get from here to there. And she didn't want to be here any more, and she has to go to the bathroom, and I've got a stroller.
Louis CK on Marriage Equality
It doesn't have ANY effect on your life. What do you care?! People try to talk about it like it's a social issue. Like when you see someone stand up on a talk show and say, "How am I supposed to explain to my children that to men are getting married?" ... I dunno, it's your s**tty kid and you f**kin' tell 'em. Why is that anyone else's problem? Two guys are in love but they can't get married because you don't want to talk to your ugly child for five f**kin' minutes?
Louis CK on Life and Death
You're all gonna die. Then you'll be dead for way longer than you're alive, like that's mostly what you're ever gonna be. You're just dead people that didn't die yet.
